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8.31.2002 Last night, aaron and I went out. He is fun to hang out with. Then, in a desperate attempt to introduce him to my friends, I broke the rule and went uptown. Just for a few minutes. Looks like I missed a heck of a water balloon fight. However, we did have fun harassing Lacey. She did a good job despite our inquiries. I got a hold of Jess and Lexi, introduced aaron to everyone, but then we had to leave b/c i had to go home. I even got a hold of Adam, but...yeah! Randy was up there, and I saw him. Actually, I didn't recognize him at first, and we didn't get to talk b/c Ann, Scott, and Rachel was with him. That bugs me SO much when people can't talk to you just because of who they are with. If you are going to be a friend, be one all the time. Tonight is lacey's party and I can't wait.
8.29.2002 pain overcomes me and I have no one to turn to...I use to turn to lacey, but now she is working. Adam is too busy because him and matt are hanging out. He always is busy when it comes to Matt. Aimee is in colorado, but she wouldn't understand anyways. No one is there! Admittedly, Jessica was there today when I needed her and she came through with harsh words for the one that deepened my pain. As the tears flowed today, I thought back to the last time I had ever cried this hard. The sad thing is I couldn't remember, but with each painful sob, millions of memories devoured my mind. Why is it that when you are in pain...the bad memories always come back? I have been forbidden to hang out with many of my friends, just because they are guys. Plus on top of that, a friend took the thing i hold dear to me and slammed it into the ground. Who is he to decide where my creativity comes from? With tears running down my face as we speak, I feel so alone in the world. Everything I hold dear has been turned topsy-turvey. It is as though I am underwater and slowing losing breathe. No matter how hard and in what direction I kick, the surface never comes. I am drowning in my own woes, thoughts, and pain.
8.28.2002 who am i? WhO aM i? WHO AM I? I've been asking myself that a lot lately. I use to know who I was and what I wanted. Now, it seems like everyday is a struggle to find myself and discover who I am. On the what I want end, I know what I want. I have what I want. Why can't I just be satisfied with that? Don't get me wrong...I am satisfied...I REALLY am. I just don't feel complete. Maybe this is the stress talking, but i don't think so. Everyday has been a bad day lately.
8.27.2002 I'm sorry if I make you feel inferior. I'm sorry if i make you cry. I'm sorry that you couldn't tell me what you feel inside. Your opinion means the world to me, but that doesn't mean it can't hurt. I don't see why you feel this way, but i am sorry if I made you cry. I will try to come back to earth. Although, I don't think I have been gone. I am just the same as you. No better, maybe worse. Can't you see...we are so much alike...despite my envy...I'm sorry if I love to write and am a perfectionist when it comes to that. But...for you I would stop the thing I love because you mean that much to me. Most of all, I'm sorry that you don't feel the same way.
8.26.2002 Friends mean the world to me
I haven't really written anything deep lately so I decided to start....
Tiffany thinks I hate her, but in all honesty, I don't. Other ppl think I hate her, but honestly, I don't. If i hated her I wouldn't talk to her and walk with her to class or hang out with her. She is a cool person. HONESTLY!
8.25.2002 OMG...randy actually called. I am still in shock! today was pretty uneventful. I mowed and sat at home. Did my homework and sat at home. Talked to ppl and sat at home. However, in two weeks, my parents start bowling. Which means i can go out on sunday night. YEAH!
Until i get new ones...these pictures stay!
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ME in a BOWL In this tiny space, I am suppose to tell you about myself; I can't, for you wouldn't even begin to understand the simple complexity of my life. RaBId pASt 06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002 HyperLInk lIFE RaNDom SnaPs here IniTiaL FeAr sEConDarY CoNFusION |