10.12.2002

As I sit here practically dead from my day of moving, I long for homecoming. The dresses, the fun, the friends...all of which I have missed out on. I didn't really want to go until I realized how much i was missing out on. I think I need a psychological evalutation.

10.10.2002

i thought staying at home would be harmless and uneventful...how wrong i was!

Well, so far my weekend isn't as wonderful as i had dreamed it to be. Maybe tomorrow will be better, but i doubt it. This is my life. Scary! I am going to go to decatur and stay all weekend with annette. She seems pretty cool, but i would much rather be participation in homecoming. In the past years, I just didn't want to go, but you never realize how much you miss something until you don't have it anymore. Maybe getting out of town will help me to get my mind off homecoming. It isn't as though I would have had a good time anyways...at least that is what i am telling myself.

Right now I am listening to "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes." As lame as it may sound, i absolutely love Cinderella. As I child, I remember watching the movie, play, and reading the book over and over again. I longed for the day that my prince charming and fairy god mother would come. Then I grew up. Actually, adolescence is wonderful: no worries, innocence, and the joy of being naive, but all good things must come to an end.

She doesn't hate me...some how that only makes me feel worse. Why should I feel worse? I didn't do anything to result in a feeling of hurt. Maybe I feel bad because I relationship I once had is gone. My innocence in the matter makes it ten times as worse. I would completely deserve all of this had I did something, but i am still shouting that i didn't do anything. No one is hearing me. Maybe I am going about it the wrong way. Maybe she just needs time. Maybe I will wake up tomorrow and everything will be great. Maybe........it is about as probable as Cinderella.

10.09.2002

picture it....seven kids, none of which are older than first grade, running around you like a twister. right now that is what is happening. I think i am going to go insane. I am so glad tomorrow is the last day of school, then it is fun for 4 days. Actually, since it is homecoming weekend and I can't go, it is going to suck. I never realized

10.06.2002

Time rolls by and so does life. From now on I am going to base my life on this principle. Things happen in life that you can't change, although you sometimes wish you could. With all the recent occurences in my life, I have began to wonder what is best for me. I have friends, a social life, and normal teenage hormones, but how "normal" am I? I was reading Lacey's creative writing assignment the other day and her writing describe a girl struggling to find herself. I really wish that I could find who I want to be. I want to be a lover, a fighter, an angel, a devil, a genius, and naive all at the same time. My heart and mind are fighting over control. It is a ceaseless battle.

In losing one valuable possession, one just finds another. Another principle that I never considered true. In my past opinion, nothing valuable could ever be replaced, but a friendship that ended strengthened another one. I truly think these next few years are going to be the time of my life. First on the agenda is gaining my parents trust back. It will take time, time I am willing to give in order to have something so precious. I guess trust is of the utmost value, and nothing even closely compares except maybe friendship.

How can some one tell me something although they know the way I feel? I am so confused right now, but my confusion was worth the time spent. It is as though this person can talk to me, and tell me anything just like best friends, but then at other times it feels like so much more. Sometimes the things they tell me makes me so upset, but should I show it? Wouldn't it ruin things if I were to tell the person how I am feeling? I think it would do more to drive them away than bring them closer. Although, maybe they feel the same way. What a topsey turvey world!

ME in a BOWL

In this tiny space, I am suppose to tell you about myself; I can't, for you wouldn't even begin to understand the simple complexity of my life.

RaBId pASt

06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002
06/16/2002 - 06/23/2002
07/14/2002 - 07/21/2002
07/21/2002 - 07/28/2002
07/28/2002 - 08/04/2002
08/04/2002 - 08/11/2002
08/11/2002 - 08/18/2002
08/18/2002 - 08/25/2002
08/25/2002 - 09/01/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/08/2002
09/08/2002 - 09/15/2002
09/15/2002 - 09/22/2002
09/22/2002 - 09/29/2002
09/29/2002 - 10/06/2002
10/06/2002 - 10/13/2002
10/13/2002 - 10/20/2002
10/20/2002 - 10/27/2002
10/27/2002 - 11/03/2002
11/03/2002 - 11/10/2002
11/10/2002 - 11/17/2002
11/17/2002 - 11/24/2002
11/24/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/15/2002 - 12/22/2002
12/22/2002 - 12/29/2002
12/29/2002 - 01/05/2003
01/05/2003 - 01/12/2003
01/12/2003 - 01/19/2003
01/19/2003 - 01/26/2003
01/26/2003 - 02/02/2003
02/02/2003 - 02/09/2003
02/09/2003 - 02/16/2003
02/16/2003 - 02/23/2003
02/23/2003 - 03/02/2003
03/02/2003 - 03/09/2003
03/16/2003 - 03/23/2003
03/23/2003 - 03/30/2003
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003
04/06/2003 - 04/13/2003
04/20/2003 - 04/27/2003
05/04/2003 - 05/11/2003
05/11/2003 - 05/18/2003
05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003
05/25/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 06/08/2003
06/08/2003 - 06/15/2003
06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003
07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003
08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003
08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003
08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003
08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003
08/31/2003 - 09/07/2003
09/07/2003 - 09/14/2003
09/21/2003 - 09/28/2003
09/28/2003 - 10/05/2003
10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003
10/26/2003 - 11/02/2003
11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003
11/09/2003 - 11/16/2003
11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003
01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004
01/18/2004 - 01/25/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004
02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004
02/22/2004 - 02/29/2004
03/14/2004 - 03/21/2004
03/21/2004 - 03/28/2004
04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004
04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004
05/16/2004 - 05/23/2004
05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004
06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004
07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004
07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004
10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004
10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004
10/31/2004 - 11/07/2004
11/07/2004 - 11/14/2004
11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004
12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005
04/10/2005 - 04/17/2005
05/01/2005 - 05/08/2005
05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005
07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005
09/04/2005 - 09/11/2005
04/01/2007 - 04/08/2007

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