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1.17.2003
I talked to a very old friend the last night. a very old friend...that is really weird because techniqually he isn't an old friend. We have only know each other for about a year. However, I have probably explained more to him and him to I about just spontaneous things. We decided that we are going to write a book together discussing teenage girls and boys. Wouldn't that be interesting?
As a teenager, I am growing, learning, and living. Some people that I thought i would be friends with forever are no longer around. (it isn't who you are thinking) Am I upset about it? to a certain extent yes, but then on the other hand it turned out for the best. it made me get close to some one that I was already close to but it just reinforced the relationship. A few months ago if you asked me i would have told you that my life sucks, but now i can say that i am okay with my life. Not happy, because there are still things i would change but in a round about way things are fine. I am just going to keep living day by day and not worry about the things i wish i had. If i keep on, eventually i will get what i want.
Care Bear @ 1:50 PM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
1.13.2003
Sometimes...I don't know what to do
Sometimes...I cry alone in my room
Sometimes...I say things I really don't mean
Sometimes...words hurt
Sometimes...I keep it inside
Sometimes...I pretend
Sometimes...I act bold, confident if you will
Sometimes...the world spins
Sometimes...It doesn't stop
The world spins, unnoticed but sometimes I feels as though I make every turn with the world. Every rotation makes me sicker and sicker. Not in my gut or in my stomach, but rather in my heart and mind. I think about who I want to be and why I want to be that person, but then i think...I am who I am, forever, unchanging. People say they like me for me, but what does that mean? who am I? When people meet me do they say...wow, i want her because she is such a kind, smart person? do they say...she is beautiful on the inside? Sorry, but to me that just means, "wow! she is ugly, but has a nice personality." Everyone says it is on the inside that counts, but they don't know what it is like to not have the outside. Only the beautiful people say stuff like that. My parents say, "well you are pretty and you will always have your smarts." True...i will always have my brain, but there is this hole inside of me. I long to look in the mirror and see what I want. I guess this is me though...there is no changing it...i will just continue to wake up and avoid the mirror...afterall, I always have my brain...*bah humbug*
Care Bear @ 10:05 PM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
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