|
12.26.2002
It's all over...the family has gone back to their own houses and I was left to clean. ONLY, i didn't get the chance to clean. Mom arrived home 2 hours early and needless to say, I didn't have shit done. That was a nice confrontation. Sometimes I just get so pissed off at people raggin' on me because they are in a bad mood. Jesus Christ, get a real excuse! Parents are the worst because it is "their duty." Have any of you ever seen a contract of parenthood that had that claus in it? I haven't.
I think i will get the gang together for a party sometime before school is out. I hate breaks because it just feels as though I lose all contact. More than ever, I feel distant from lacey. I think I might call, but I don't want to fuck up. I just need a reassurance that everything is fine. I need a lot more than just a phone call though...I need talk in person so I can see how she feels. The big match up is on sunday. I need to do it before then...................lions and tigers and bears...oh my!
Care Bear @ 5:51 PM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
12.24.2002
I just finished my volunteer work for today. At first I as like "oh great...", but it really made me feel good about myself. Then again, I did have to spend the day with a lady named Ruth. She has had 3 major nervous breakdowns, can't be outside for long periods of time b/c of a phobia, and gets constant nosebleeds. In all honesty, I think she wasn't all there. It was still interesting. I volunteered for friday morning too. At first, this was just a conquest I had that would help me get into national honor society. Although it will help, the work is for me. It clears the mind to go and work selflessly.
On another note, lacey and I are fine. I have had so many phone calls in the last 24 hours asking if we are still friends. I don't know about her, but i wouldn't let a guy interfere in a friendship. Lacey, Shandra, Aimee, Brit, and even Dannie have all been there for me in my time of needs (a.k.a. my clutzy moment in the bowling alley parking lot). Although sometimes we get enough of each other, we won't just stop being friends. We love each other way too much for that!
Sunday is the match against all the old varsity members. It is going to be really weird considering this is my first year not bowling with most of them. My freshman year all the people taught me what it meant to be a THS bowler, and the pride you had to have b/c no one else had faith in us. The entire community is behind us now, but I still remember those lessons. I remember the fights and the tears b/c my freshman year was full of those. I remember aspiring to be heidi. Now I feel older than I am. I feel that in a way i should be bowling with them, but I would NEVER give up this years team. It is completely compiled of friends and that makes it twice as great. Now, all i have to say is...GO THS UNDERGRADUATE BOWLERS. KICK SOME GRADUATE ASS!!!
Care Bear @ 1:05 PM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
12.23.2002
Now for me:
I knew it would be hard for me to figure a solution to this problem, and I knew that somehow somebody would end up getting hurt. I didn't know lacey liked him. I had thrown the "What about mark's" out on the table a few times before, but she would simply break into a haughty laugh and say, "we are too close for that." NO longer is my thought simply a thought...it is a fact. I like mark...but i love lacey. IF this is going to affect our friendship, it isn't worth it. I hope it won't, but i need to know. I need to talk. Nothing can be accomplished without words. Lacey says she is always runner-up, but in a way, I feel that too. Lacey is the one always in the middle of the plans, in the middle of the fun. When her, shandra, and britney or danielle get together, it sometimes feels as though i am standing on the outside looking in. But to get back on subject...all things happen for a reason. As cabby was telling me last night, "Carrie, you have to stop giving in to people. If you want it, go get it. If they don't like it fuck them." Well, it is a nice theory, but i have never been the one to use it. If you tell me something, I will believe it just because I am that gullible. Now, I am just going to lay it out. I like mark...mark likes me...all of this could have been avoided if you just would have shared with ANYONE the way you felt. When you want to talk, talk. I'll be here, and I will wait.
Care Bear @ 10:27 AM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
12.22.2002
so complicated...I have a feeling, and I was always told to go with my feelings but then again...I think I know something. I'm not really sure on what I should do. Go with my head, or act on my heart. I've had a lot of time to think about it considering I watched a little girl for seven hours straight today. man, was that tiring! Do you know the way you get around someone you like. All quite and shy, but then when they touch you in just the slightest way you get a fluttering in your stomach. I don't mean to be sappy, but that is what it is like. complicated...the feeling or a thought...dream on!
Care Bear @ 8:51 PM | comment
cmharrison@mckendree.edu
|