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1.02.2003 A NEW YEAR
I had a rather interesting new year, but I won't get into that. I made my ever dreaded new year's resolution. Honestly, I hate those things. They are so constricting. Then you feel bad when you break them, but it is inevitable that you are going to. Every new year's, I tell myself that I am going to become a new person and live they way I've always wanted too. Yah right. This year though, I didn't tell myself that. I am just going to be me. so far, it has gone pretty wel for me despite a few mishaps. Everyone in the world is constantly wanting to change to better themselves. Be happy with yourself then the rest will come.
12.30.2002 what do you want me to do? tell me and I will do it! all you have to do is say SOMETHING! you say you don't care...and I believe you because you said it, but there is still this feeling that is like..."no there is something wrong." I don't care if you would snap on me. At least you would fucking do it to me and only me instead of everyone else knowing you snapped on me too. The whole idea of me only wanting to be your friend because I wanted a giant makeover project is a bunch on bullshit and you know it. We became friends because we have so much in common. Because I needed a friend like you. I have never tried to change the way you are. If anything, you changed me. I am now more outspoken than i was and I do things for me not for others. You keep saying that no one knew that i even liked mark. To tell you the truth, i knew alot about him, and I liked him as a friend, but then I got to know him a little better that one night. You don't start a relationship knowing that it is going to work. The whole point of a relationship is to get to know the person. I wasn't telling you what to do either b/c i've learned that no one can tell you what to do. Alright, lacey...as far as I am concerned, I consider you my best friend ever b/c you have made me into the person I wanted to be. You never forced anything upon me. I felt at ease around you and could tell you anything and you would give me a straight answer. I don't want to ruin that. All I need you to do is tell me what you want me to do. Just tell me. anything! b/c nothing is as important as our friendship. At least to me...i don't know how you feel anymore.
fuck the god damn world. It seems I can't do anything right. One fucking thing happens and I am the worst friend in the world and everyone ranks above me. Yah know what? It is hard for me, and I am trying. I'm trying to make things right. I know it may take awhile, but jesus christ, let me try. It's disheartening whenever you can't come to me and talk. you have to say it in your blog. ONe of major problems ins communication. We used to be able to talk about anything. when I say USED, I mean last week. last week. All of this has changed in a week. Listen, I didn't know that you liked him! you never told me or anyone else. I would have backed down. what do you want me to do? tell me and I will do it! all you have to do is say SOMETHING!
12.29.2002 DISCOVERY
OBLIVIOUS
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ME in a BOWL In this tiny space, I am suppose to tell you about myself; I can't, for you wouldn't even begin to understand the simple complexity of my life. RaBId pASt 06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002 HyperLInk lIFE RaNDom SnaPs here IniTiaL FeAr sEConDarY CoNFusION |