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6.13.2003 I hate it when she talks about it. As if I don't know! what do you want me to do? nothing i haven't already tried. She says stuff b/c she loves me...well, i feel like crap right now and it is her fault. I can really feel the love...
6.11.2003 he puts on this "air" of complete carelessness. but i see through it. he tries to get mad rather than sad. but i see through it. Why is it that people hide all their feelings. With him I don't know why, but with me, i do.
6.09.2003 we think that when we get older we won't be like our parents. We won't yell at our kids or tell to do stupid things. It won't matter if the house is a mess and they sleep in until 1 in the afternoon. They can do things that they shouldn't as long as they are smart about it. Whether or not we want to admit it, we all think of these things. I realize that my parents yell at me becuase they love me and only want the best for me; however, sometimes my mom is completely skitz. I'll say sure when she asks me to do something and she will yell at me for being short with her. other times i will say sure and she will be like "oh thanks hunny. your such a good girl." Has anyone else noticed their parents doing that? Then another thing...they will say something and even if it is wrong they still won't let you explain or defend yourself. If they think it is true, then you are screwed. Chelle and I were talking about it today. She says that she won't ever tell her kids not to drink or smoke if she is going to do it. I told her she would, just because that is what parents do. We discussed the phrase that is just as familiar to parents as it is to kids..."do as i say...not as i do." What the hell? You can sit there and tell us something is wrong, yet you do it. Odd. Maybe parents are trying to give us a better life and don't want us to make the same mistakes that they did. However, a part of growing up is making the mistakes...without them, the adventure wouldn't be an adventure at all. I hate my parents nagging just as much as the next person and i wish with all my heart that they will trust me. But think about it...next time you are out, stop what you are doing and think "would my parents approve of this?" The odds are that the answer is no. How can we want them to trust us when we know that we don't deserve to be. As teenagers, if parents give us an inch, we hurriedly take over that inch and abuse it, but then we want more. In a way, we are just as bad as parents....but hell, none of us will ever admit that.
6.08.2003 the thoughts run
there are just certain decisions in life that seem to escape me. I can't plan for them...they just sorta happen. Trust me if i could plan for them, i would. Don't get me wrong...i knew eventually this situation would arise, but i don't remember how i dealt with it. Actually, i don't think i dealt with it...i just put it in the back of my mind. When i started this blog entry i didn't have a clue to what i was going to write...i just sorta started and now I am a typing fool. Both of them are just so sweet...and funny...and fun to be around. a question...? i am sitting here wearing a ring my mom gave me...i don't really talk to her and i see her maybe once every 3 months but i love her regardless. I know sometimes i hate her for all she has put me through, but in the long run, i would do almost anything for her. I feel bad b/c she tries so hard to MAKE me love her. If she only knew that i already do...but it is hard to say something like that...i mean...it is my mom, but it is like she doesn't even know me...she hasn't, but she wants to so that counts for something right?
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ME in a BOWL In this tiny space, I am suppose to tell you about myself; I can't, for you wouldn't even begin to understand the simple complexity of my life. RaBId pASt 06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002 HyperLInk lIFE RaNDom SnaPs here IniTiaL FeAr sEConDarY CoNFusION |