8.09.2003

Click...click...click. Bareness and echoes surround me. The familiarity of it all is refreshing and depressing. I have torn feelings on going back to school. Admittedly, it will be my last year, full of change, and the adventures should never end. As I walk up the front steps, however, I notice the bullettin boards I decorated are still there. Unchanging. Predictable.The main office has its' faint business-like atmosphere, but new people change the place of work a little. Receiving nothing I came for, I turn to leave. Study hall chairs line the hallways, just waiting to return to duty. A encryption on a desk catches my eye. Carole loves Rico. Only something was wrong...suave Rico's name had been carelessly stratched out and replaced by the immature Johnny. How dare he replace Rico? He never could live up to Rico's standards. It was amazing how emotional I got of one lost love. It wasn't even about the love...it was about change. Here I was walking through the hallways noticing how nothing had changed, but everything has changed. Why? Because my perspective has.

boy likes girl...girl just wants to be friends.

boy likes girl...girl likes boy, but society says it is wrong.

boy plays with girl's emotions...girl falls in love.

There are so many things to be said about relationships and I couldn't even begin to explain things right now.

8.03.2003

It was 4 in the morning on a Sunday, and I along with my cohert in crime sat in Bill's Toasties wanting nothing more than companionship and a good burger. Well, we found the usual variety of people. Mario and Dave were sitting with their caffeine, doodling. Two drunken businessmen were singing hymns while a lady I knew from the bowling alley, danced to the holy music because she too had drank a little too much. Lacey and I even talked with the remains of a bachelor bash about there evening. At the news of a wedding, the businessmen broke into the poorly sung, but classic song "I'm Getting Married in the Morning." Ahh. A classic song from one of the best movies in history, My Fair Lady. I, of course, joined in on the fun, but kept my rendition mainly to myself. The bachelor boys made the fatal mistake of asking if the entertainers of the evening knew any modern songs. As if spurred by the mention of modern music, the bowling lady shared with us her version of Lil' Kim's "Magic Stick." After 45 minutes of waiting for our food, we had wound down from the sleepless night we experienced. Nothing is more comforting than the smell of grease and coffee that Bill's emmits. It was the perfect end to our nearly perfect evening.

Well, Bill's is where we ended up, but my house is where we started. At first, the night of deception was one only Shandra and I were going to undertake. However, Lacey was up for the challenge as well, so we readily left my house, reassured that our plan would work. Our first stop was Shandra's, where we beautified ourselves to the best of our abilities. From there, we traveled uptown and found whom we were looking for. Matt had all the ingredients for the perfect evening, so we jumped into his white stallion and were on our way. It was then, however, that we came across a minor delay. None of us knew what to do now. After arguing, avoiding a stalking boyfriend, and much searching for a good time, Shandra, Lacey, and I decided to go dancing. Well, there is only one place worthy of our fine moves, but we first needed all the required identification. When Shandra went in to get her I.D., Jarred pulled up and we, as a whole, decided he would come with us. One quick stop in Jeiseyville, and we were on our way. Matt and I were alone in his car and Lacey, Shandra, and Jarred were in Jarred's. The trip was uneventful, and we arrived in Springfield safely. Now the fun started.

The Club was jumpin', and we were putting on the moves. We had only been there about an hour when Lacey and Shandra heard that there was going to be a wet tee shirt contest. Try as they might, I would not join them in the contest. However, I told them that I would be their biggest fans if they were to do it. They did, of course. At around 1:30, the guys wanted to leave so we climbed into our assigned cars and were on our way. To where? We didn't know, but we were sure an adventure was waiting for us there.

Some how, we ended up out at Garrett's lake lot. That wasn't exactly interesting. At least it wasn't interesting until the lake patrol came out. First he asked us our age, and then insisted on telling his life story and why drinking and drugs were bad. Phish. Rather than just believing us when we said we hadn't been drinking (at least no one else had been drinking), he lectured us. To top that off, he went around the circle and made all of us blow in his hand as a "breathalyzer." Well hell! I thought. I'm screwed. It all turned out to be fine, however. Around 3:30, we were tired of the lake and decided to go into town. Matt had already left, so we all piled into Jarred's car and tried to find something to do. Our efforts proved fruitless. Lacey and I left Shandra and Jarred to their own devices and then we found ourselves at Bill's.

The night ended at around 5:30 a.m., but from the time that we departed from Bill's and up to the point in which we fell asleep in Lacey's car, we were stalked by two guys in a truck that we didn't even know. Other than that, our morning went well.

Ahh...the evening and morning of adventure.

To write is the world. Nothing comes before it. Nothing is beyond it. Nothing is after it. When words are gone, so is the world. For me, feelings are best expressed through words. I haven't really been emotional enough to write anything worth reading before now. Needless to say, the problem is over.

Painted ears
incapable of hearing
Rant, Rant, Rant
the typical
Anger aware
my head throbs
Careless
not the problem
Yelling
just to yell
It's not enough
wanting to live
Suspicion surrounds
an envelope persay
Utterly upset
brush it off
I hurt you?
You hurt me!
Nevermind
You can't see...
Nor do you care.

ME in a BOWL

In this tiny space, I am suppose to tell you about myself; I can't, for you wouldn't even begin to understand the simple complexity of my life.

RaBId pASt

06/09/2002 - 06/16/2002
06/16/2002 - 06/23/2002
07/14/2002 - 07/21/2002
07/21/2002 - 07/28/2002
07/28/2002 - 08/04/2002
08/04/2002 - 08/11/2002
08/11/2002 - 08/18/2002
08/18/2002 - 08/25/2002
08/25/2002 - 09/01/2002
09/01/2002 - 09/08/2002
09/08/2002 - 09/15/2002
09/15/2002 - 09/22/2002
09/22/2002 - 09/29/2002
09/29/2002 - 10/06/2002
10/06/2002 - 10/13/2002
10/13/2002 - 10/20/2002
10/20/2002 - 10/27/2002
10/27/2002 - 11/03/2002
11/03/2002 - 11/10/2002
11/10/2002 - 11/17/2002
11/17/2002 - 11/24/2002
11/24/2002 - 12/01/2002
12/15/2002 - 12/22/2002
12/22/2002 - 12/29/2002
12/29/2002 - 01/05/2003
01/05/2003 - 01/12/2003
01/12/2003 - 01/19/2003
01/19/2003 - 01/26/2003
01/26/2003 - 02/02/2003
02/02/2003 - 02/09/2003
02/09/2003 - 02/16/2003
02/16/2003 - 02/23/2003
02/23/2003 - 03/02/2003
03/02/2003 - 03/09/2003
03/16/2003 - 03/23/2003
03/23/2003 - 03/30/2003
03/30/2003 - 04/06/2003
04/06/2003 - 04/13/2003
04/20/2003 - 04/27/2003
05/04/2003 - 05/11/2003
05/11/2003 - 05/18/2003
05/18/2003 - 05/25/2003
05/25/2003 - 06/01/2003
06/01/2003 - 06/08/2003
06/08/2003 - 06/15/2003
06/29/2003 - 07/06/2003
07/20/2003 - 07/27/2003
08/03/2003 - 08/10/2003
08/10/2003 - 08/17/2003
08/17/2003 - 08/24/2003
08/24/2003 - 08/31/2003
08/31/2003 - 09/07/2003
09/07/2003 - 09/14/2003
09/21/2003 - 09/28/2003
09/28/2003 - 10/05/2003
10/05/2003 - 10/12/2003
10/26/2003 - 11/02/2003
11/02/2003 - 11/09/2003
11/09/2003 - 11/16/2003
11/30/2003 - 12/07/2003
01/04/2004 - 01/11/2004
01/18/2004 - 01/25/2004
02/01/2004 - 02/08/2004
02/15/2004 - 02/22/2004
02/22/2004 - 02/29/2004
03/14/2004 - 03/21/2004
03/21/2004 - 03/28/2004
04/04/2004 - 04/11/2004
04/18/2004 - 04/25/2004
05/16/2004 - 05/23/2004
05/23/2004 - 05/30/2004
06/06/2004 - 06/13/2004
07/04/2004 - 07/11/2004
07/18/2004 - 07/25/2004
10/10/2004 - 10/17/2004
10/17/2004 - 10/24/2004
10/31/2004 - 11/07/2004
11/07/2004 - 11/14/2004
11/14/2004 - 11/21/2004
12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004
12/12/2004 - 12/19/2004
01/02/2005 - 01/09/2005
01/23/2005 - 01/30/2005
04/10/2005 - 04/17/2005
05/01/2005 - 05/08/2005
05/22/2005 - 05/29/2005
07/24/2005 - 07/31/2005
09/04/2005 - 09/11/2005
04/01/2007 - 04/08/2007

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